Better late than never, here’s our Popfoolish take on the happenings on UK X Factor.
The X Factor rolled back onto our TV screens this weekend, and whilst it came in with a whimper rather than a bang, nonetheless it marks the start of an exciting time of the year for Popfools up and down the country. Will the next Union J be found? Who will be the next Joe McElderry? What became of Little Mix? What ridiculous attire will The Scherzo wear? Well fear no more because we are here to answer to all these questions and more. For the audition rounds we will simply post our personal best and worst auditionees. However, in the event that we are still watching the show come boot camp, judges houses and live show rounds, you can expect our coverage to become slowly but surely more exciting. Like a Leona Lewis ballad with an ‘edgy’ rap inserted into it.
Week One: 31st August & 1st September
Our initial thoughts on this year’s ‘revamps’ are as follows: a boo to the uninspiring choice of Sharon ‘Mrs O’ Osbourne as fourth judge, a boo to the continuation of Gary Barlow as funsucker (sucking the fun out of the X Factor), a yay to The Scherzo holding onto her job, a yay to the return of the ‘room’ auditions in front of only the judges. This year, we see a bunch of hopefuls ‘room audition’ on Saturday, and we see the next round (the arena auditions) of those that progressed on Sunday. We have to admit that this is a clever way of arranging the whole thing although personally we would be happy to return straight from ‘room audition’ to boot camp. Never mind.
BEST: Our best is an odd choice in that he wasn’t the best singer of the night by far. However, we were fans of Luke Britnell, the Justin Bieber tribute act cum wannabe Lucy Spraggan. Taking inspiration from The Spraggo meets Jason Mraz, in his room audition he sung an original song complete with guitar, and although he wasn’t very good the judges put him through. We wanted to put him through, but on the proviso that he was being put through to form a Union J esque troupe with other pretty lads who can’t sing especially well, yet somehow as a collective are able to chuck out decent tunes. Predictably he was rubbish at the arena stage, singing an extremely odd choice of ‘Get Lucky’, and the judges gave him a drubbing and chucked him out, although rather unfairly as we certainly saw some inferior singers be showered with praise and go through. Sam Bailey deserves a mention here too, particularly for having the balls to sing ‘Listen’ by Beyoncé, although we have a couple of issues with her: What would you do with her to turn her into a popstar? The long and short of it is that she isn’t popstar material, and everyone involved with the X Factor knows this. Thus we find her succession through to the next round frankly irrelevant.
WORST: Euphoria. A collection of 5 screechy stageschooled 17 year old girls who insult credible girlbands the world over with their awful singing and their terrible choreography. No, no, no, no, NO. Also Alejandro Fernandez. Singing in Spanish doesn’t cover your weak vocals, your limited range, and the fact that you can’t sing on key. Of course, the judges put him through. Disgusting. Having said that, we would put him through to form a Union J esque troupe with other pretty lads who can’t sing especially well yet, somehow as a collective are able to chuck out decent tunes, but only on the proviso that he was never given a solo and was basically just there to smoulder at the back of the stage.