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NEW: Work Bitch

Britney Spears – Work Bitch

We’re not sure where to start with this atrocity of a song. As useful reference points here to help us express our feelings are ‘Get Sexy‘ by the Sugababes and ‘Something New‘ by Girls Aloud. Both released by artists we admired, had grown up with, and who we generally loved. Both songs took a long while for us to be able to see any good in them, us even reviewing the latter with reference to the former. Both we have learned to live with, and in the case of ‘Something New’, even love. Well now it seems the holy trinity of ‘shockingly shit songs released by artists well deep into their careers who normally release better material and are able of much more quality pop output’  is complete.

We can’t explain why Britney means so much to us, she just does. You either get it or you don’t with Britney. And we get it. Yet there has been a disappointing chain of events even by the frankly meagre standards of Britneyfanland. First came the below-par Femme Fatale album, with Nasalney being replaced by Coldney, and the dreadful accompaniying tour to forget. Like everything in life, and especially with Britney, there were still moments we enjoyed. ‘Till The World Ends’ remains one of our favourite Britney songs. Nonetheless it was an upsetting era with slim pickings to enjoy.

Then came ‘Scream & Shout’. We’re still not really sure whether ‘Scream & Shout’ was a good thing for Britney or not. Yes, it made her relevant again, handing her not only her first UK number one in donkey’s years, but also shooting her to the tops of the charts in over 20 different countries. Awesome. However it somewhat positioned her as a caricature, the ‘Britney bitch’ refrain repeated ad nauseam, whilst exposing her as someone not afraid to pander to the latest trends to have a huge hit, as opposed to setting the trends as she once did.

What all this means is that Britney Spears, in 2013, the wrong side of 30, is desperately clinging to the uninspired dancepop sound that have been tearing up the charts of late. All this perhaps wouldn’t matter given that:

1) The song was a good song

Meanwhile, our second gripe is that:

2) She’s not convincing. In the slightest.

As far as point 1) goes, we’re not up for any negotiation. It sounds truly awful. Hideous. We say this as Britney fans. It is literally a pile of shit.

As far as point 2) goes, we’re not up for any negotiation. “Britney Spears” is a lady who, despite her obvious contempt for being a popstar, for meeting the fans, for dancing, for doing anything that even a half decent popstar does (other than giving off ‘don’t touch me’ diva vibes) is still able to pump out shit like this and sell. Perhaps ”Work Bitch’ will be another huge hit for Britney. Perhaps it won’t. It doesn’t matter. it will still sell enough to keep the whole charade going. Britney doesn’t listen to music like this in her free time. Britney isn’t some dirty sex fiend, as we are tirelessly and relentlessly peddled in her videos. With artists such as Rihanna, Rita Ora and Ke$ha the whole shtick works. It’s believable. it used to be believable for Britney too (or be it a long time ago). It’s not now. There’s such a big disconnect between the person ‘Britney Spears’ and the product. It makes it damn near impossible for us to enjoy any of your recent output.

Know that we are writing this with the best of intentions in our heart. We want Britney Spears to be a megapopstar but ultimately not when the material sounds like this. Britney, you better work bitch, and make sure the rest of your album sounds better than this.

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