It’s a Spice Girls extravaganza today! No, VB has not released some new material (boo), but instead both Mel B and Geri Haliwell have some aural delights for us to enjoy. First up is Scary.
We’re going to start with the good bits of this song. We think it sounds like it could be from Alexandra Burke’s ‘Heartbreak On Hold’ album. This is a positive as far as we’re concerned; we mostly enjoyed the sounds of that album. No sane popfool could fail to like the bit that starts at 0:38 that goes ‘I want to feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel’, as no sane popfool could fail to see the merits in the ‘li-i-i-i-i-ife’ bit from the chrous at around 1:08. Basically, the song has all the potential ingredients of an enjoyable, if not amazing, dancepop romp.
Video-wise, our favourite moment is the beginning section with ‘Office Mel’ sifting through post and looking exasperated at presumably yet more bills to pay. Bonus points here for lunacy because who actually takes their post with them to look through to the walk from their house to the car? Clichés abound as Mel throws her post all over the lawn, drops her bag, and sings ‘not any more’. ‘Office Mel’ proceeds to strip down to her bra and panties, looking more like Kim from the Vengaboys than Mel B at this point. Sadly, or perhaps thankfully, we don’t get ‘Naked Mel’ but instead Mel is transformed into ‘Party Mel’, complete with luscious, long flowing locks and some piss poor attempts at choreography. ‘Party Mel’ then steals some scissors from the back pocket of a hunky gardener, before gatecrashing a photoshoot and waving goodbye to the model (who dutifully complies to Mel’s instructions, most likely because she is waving a pair of scissors around). Mel next cuts off her own top and hair and transforms into ‘Lesbian Mel’. ‘Lesbian Mel’ seems to have some attitude problems and runs away from the camera at full pelt, before breaking into a lesbian houseparty. At this point, ‘Lesbian Mel’ gets off with ‘Lesbian Mel’, before giving a leery wink to the camera. The strangest thing you will see in a solo spice girl video ever? Probably not, but pretty eerie nonetheless. The last Mel to make an appearance in the video is’ Glamorous Mel’, and we have to say she is our second favourite of the lot , looking as she does every inch the popstar, and not being afraid to dance in the middle of the street despite the threat of oncoming cars running her over.
Sadly for us Melanie B’s vocals don’t just cut it. Because this sounds like an Alexandra Burke song to us this brings with it certain expectations. When these are failed to be met, it’s a disappointment. And it must feel like a disappointment to Scary Spice herself too, knowing that someone like A Burke could sing her song far far better than she can. Only one of these artists is (or was) a global phenomenon, yet it’s the other artist who holds the edge on making material like this stand out amongst the thousands of records released every day. If this was released by an unknown, rather than Mel B, we’d probably not be giving the time of day.
SONG RATING: 6/10 – distinctly average but a good direction for Mel B to take.
VIDEO RATING: 8/10 – it is undeniably amusing and irresistibly tongue in cheek.