2014 has been an interesting year for pop, despite the relative lack of the usual big hitters. Instead, the UK charts have been overrun by deep house by random producers. But the only chart that matters must surely be Pop Fool’s top singles of the year. In case you missed it, check out numbers 30 – 16 here and numbers 15 – 10 here. We know you are all impatient to find out which song will be crowned Popfool’s number one of the year, but first let us give you yet another BONUS song! Oooooh! We know it’s a little late now, but it was all written and ready to go and then we changed our mind on the top spot… how very fickle of us…
BONUS: Elyar Fox – A Billion Girls
UK chart: #11
Elyar Fox. You may remember him for the rather agreeable ‘Colourblind‘, and the rather epic ‘Do It All Over Again‘. You may not. In which case, we like to think of him as a peer of Conor Maynard, but as a younger, better looking and rather more “PG” version. None of these things is bad. Anyway, after compiling the list we realised that actually, ‘A Billion Girls’ is a rather jolly pop tune and hence it deserves a mention. It sounds like a ‘The Wanted’ song, and we mean that in as complimentary a way as is possible.
Highlights of the song: ‘Yoooooooo-uu, yooooooo-uuu’ and the rather sweet message that, although Elyar could have any of the billion girls on the planet, there’s only one you, and presumably that’s who he’s interested in.
Lowlights of the song: There’s a cheap bleeping sound in there at one point which is unnecessary. The video is cringy at 2:21 when he acoustically sings to a HONEY. AWKWARD. Plus she’s about ten years older than Elyar.
Best lyric: ‘They tell me that I’m young and I should wait / But then you’d be the one who got away’
9. Calvin Harris – Summer
UK chart: #1
A summer song called ‘Summer’. Fancy that!
Highlights of the song: The first ‘hands in the air’ moment is pretty epic.
Lowlights of the song: Sounds a bit generic, seeing as Calvin has been ripping himself off for about 2 – 3 years now.
Best lyric: ‘We could be together baby / As long as skies are blue’
8. Cheryl Cole – I Don’t Care
UK chart: #1
First things first, we refuse to identify Cheryl as “Cheryl”. She is not in the same league as Kylie, Britney, Rihanna, Ke$ha and Madonna. She is not a one name popstar. She is more of a Pixie Lott, or a Jessie J. She needs a two name identifier. We refuse to call her Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, firstly because we have better things to do with our time than write Fernandez-Versini, and secondly because her marriage will probably be over by the time we finished writing Fernandez-Versini.
‘Crazy Stupid Love’ was both crazy and stupid, because it was shit, and who would show such contempt to the chart buying public as to release utter shit as a lead single? Cheryl would, of course. Anyway, if ‘Crazy Stupid Love’ was a ‘Promise This’, then ‘I Don’t Care’ must surely be a ‘Call My Name’ or ‘Fight For This Love’. Yes, it’s up there with Cheryl’s best.
We enjoyed her X Factor performance of the song, featuring as it did, in order of brilliance, crazy eyes, extreme hair extension ruffling, and a half-baked dance routine.
Highlights of the song: The song largely earned its placing based on the amazingness of the first line. We’re grown up enough to admit it to ourselves. We also enjoy the admittedly gratuitous swearing. The song certainly has enough pop substance though, such as the “hooooo-ooooh-ooh”and the “Awww-naaah”. The video is fun to watch, too, with that half-baked dance routine making a comeback. (Yes, we are talking about that strange hand wiggle.)
Lowlights of the song: We’re not massive fans of the middle 8.
Best lyric: We hinted at it above, but ‘Waking up diagonal like an animal in a cold and empty bed, yeah’ is quite probably the best pop lyric of the entire year. YES. REALLY. THINK ABOUT IT. For this alone Cheryl deserves congratulating.
7. Tiesto featuring Matthew Koma
UK chart: #3
A cheerful song. What more can we ask for? Oh, the fact that there’s a version called ‘Naked’ which replaces the word wasted with naked. Amazing.
Highlights of the song: It’s so chirpy and sing-a-long friendly. The rhyming couplets are pretty glorious. “Oh-woah-woah-woah”
Lowlights of the song: At 3:07, the song is over all too quickly. Yes, we’re nitpicking now.
Best lyric: ‘The only time we really talk / Is when our clothes are coming off’
6. Frankmusik – Stabilizher
UK chart: N/A
Yet another busy year for Popfools favourite Frankmusik, which saw him release fourth studio album ‘By Nicole’. Yet again doing everything himself, we have to give kudos where it’s due, to one of the most creative and quirky music videos we’ve seen this year, particularly when considering the small budget it must have been made on. The song itself is everything we like from Frankmusik, with a cheery, bouncy and almost manic electronic pop sound hiding intelligent and deeper lyrics behind it (‘my compassion was your safety net’).
Highlights of the song: All 4:07 of it.
Lowlights of the song: None
Best lyric: The whole song is intelligently written. Check out all the lyrics.
5. Amelia Lily – California
UK chart: #83
If there was one moderately successful X Factor contestant who we feel deserved obscurity, we would probably name Amelia Lily in the top spot. Yet somehow, the pop gods have treated us this year to this absolute beast of a tune. How did Amelia Lily end up with it? We have literally no idea. But we bet Pixie Lott is sitting somewhere in London balling her eyes out. HOW DID THIS ONLY GET TO #83?!
Highlights of the song: Amazing video. Amazing song. Straight out the early 2000s! “Californi-ay / London city-ay” “Dun de dun de done”
Lowlights of the song: The pronunciation on ‘picking’ is extremely strange. We’re nitpicking.
Best lyric: ‘What’s the point in wearing these heels?’
4. The Ordinary Boys – Awkward
Release date: 10.14
UK chart: N/A
2014 saw a semi-return of Popfools favourites The Ordinary Boys, as they brought out new single ‘Awkward’, although we are still awaiting a full length album. ‘Awkward’ saw Louis Jones from The Spectrals share vocal duties with front man Preston on this glorious homage to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. The video is fun too.
Highlights of the song: The two vocalists blend together surprisingly well. The Ordinary Boys sounding at their very best, yet also somehow sounding more contemporary. Perfect.
Lowlights of the song: None.
Best lyric: ‘I’m in the bad books / I didn’t think this through at all.’
3. Sigma – Nobody To Love
UK chart: #1
This was the song of summer 2014.
Highlights of the song: The glorious piano.
Lowlights of the song: None
Best lyric: ‘I know you’re tired of loving with nobody to love’
2. Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk
UK chart: #1
Fleur East is solely responsible for the early release of ‘Uptown Funk’ in the UK. And we should thank Fleur, for it wasn’t due to hit UK shores until 2015. Proving that the revival of disco didn’t start and end with Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ comes this fresh, funky, fabulous jam. Isn’t it superb?
Highlights of the song: Literally everything.
Lowlights of the song: Literally nothing.
Best lyric: ‘Don’t believe me just watch’.
1. Cash Cash – Take Me Home
UK chart: #5
Is there anything more glorious than upbeat electropop such as this? We think it sounds like a worthy, yet cheerier, companion to September’s epic ‘Cry For You’. Almost a sequel, 6 years later, now the singer is in a happier place. With just enough of a 2014 EDM influence to be contemporary rather than dated, but not too much so as to sound ridicustep, we have no superlatives to throw at the song. It gives us a soaring sensation in our popfoolish hearts. Ideal. The official popfools anthem of 2014.
Highlights of the song: The vocals maketh the song.
Lowlights of the song: Nothing.
Best lyric: ‘My best mistake was you / You’re my sweet affliction / Cause you hurt me right / But you do it nice’