You’re Bound to Get Sneezes / Or Nasty Diseases

The UK’s Eurovision entry this year, ‘Still In Love With You’ by put-together-especially-for-Eurovision duo and poorly-named Electro Velvet, has been widely derided across the nation for being shit. In the annual sport that is Eurovision-bashing, it’s somehow seen as “cool” or “popular” to immediately write off anything that we put forward for Eurovision as trash. So we need to take a closer, and more critical, look at the song in question, before immediately consigning it to the same pile as “MOLLYSMITTENDOWNS”.

OK, we admit, the fact that the duo consist of a reject from The Voice and a Rolling Stones tribute act performer and occasional primary-school music teacher is hardly the most inspiring choice. The fact that the bloke looks like a bird (we mean a bird that flies, we mean he has a very beaky nose and looks like he pecks around plazas for crumbs) and the woman looks like a One Show competition winner who can’t quite believe she is on TV is not the best start.

A lucky competition Winner from the BBC’s One Show (left) and a  pigeon with a gammy leg (right)

A freaky creepy old man (left) and a wailing banshee (right)

But that’s where the lacklustre approach to Eurovision ends this year. No more dreary ballads. We more recently tried the approach of sending known acts (Blue, Engelbert Humperdinck and Bonnie Tyler) but to no avail, mainly because their songs were shit. The last time we did any good, Lord Lloyd Webber had a massive hand in the song, and let’s face it, even that song was a load of migraine inducing old wailing from a future Sugababe. The last song we sent that had any – and we mean even a drab – of artistic merit was surely 2007’s ‘Flying The Flag’ by Scooch. We literally won’t hear a single bad word against Scooch because it was popfoolishly deliciously in every single way.

So, to sum up so far, the last entry we sent that was any good whatsoever was in 2007, which is now a whole 8 years ago. You can understand the need to send something different this year, then. Pluck two unknowns. Add some 20s revival (which, honestly, is a year and a bit too late : also see this) and then add a large dash of non-existent ye-olde-worlde British eccentricity.

Where ‘Still In love With You’ is a major let down is on the production. It sounds like it cost 2p to make on a ripoff of GarageBand by a 5 year old. Compared to the “electro” production on ‘A Little Party Never Killed Nobody‘ or ‘Bang Bang’ it just sounds weak and pathetic. (The genre is apparently known as “electroswing” so it needed some electro on it as well as some swing). Obviously Fergie and has a bigger budget than the BBC, but the production of a song is everything these days. So yes, the production of ‘Still In Love With You’ is cheap and nasty. It’s repugnant. it makes us want to tear up our TV licence and plug our ears with cotton wool.

Yet the lyrics of the song are pretty genius. They’ve taken the rhyming thing so terribly seriously that real lyrical gems like ‘You’re bound to get sneezes / or nasty diseases’, ‘Because you’re so gorgeous / you need to be cautious’ and ‘I can assure you / I adore you’ sit alongside less inspirational gems like  ‘You might get wet I’d be upset’ or ‘Try to keep warm dear / in case there’s a storm dear’. Yet the whole thing just sounds so twee and fake that we actually genuinely thoroughly enjoy the lyrics. It’s a treat to the ears every time we hear the song. When was the last time words like “tantalise” or “guys with roving eyes” were uttered in Eurovision? It’s quite literally boundary pushing. (Tantalise rhymes with lies. Obviously). AMAZING and we defy you to argue otherwise.

“Would you like something to suck on for landing Sir?”

Other elements we hate of the song are the absolutely despicable “breakdown” after the first section of the song, when the neon dancers come on, and the whole concept of these backing singers who drone on like fun-deprived banshees “Dance / Let’s dance / Everybody dance”. They are awful. Jaw droppingly horrendous. So too are the spoken bits “Oh yes” from the chap and “sounding good sugar!” and “take care now hunny!” from the chick. Having said this it will be hilarious to have to see them do it live! On the stage! Maybe they won’ bother? But AGAIN- Scooch had “spoken word” bits – namely the amazing “would you like something to suck on for landing” or life-changing “Duty free, Madam?” “Salted nuts, Sir?” and “We wish you a very pleasurable journey”. Clearly some things were meant to be.

We’re 50/50 on whether we love or loathe the stupid scatting bit. The chap seems to be making a come-face in the video whilst scatting which is amusing if nothing else.

VERDICT:  This song is so popfoolish. If the Beeb had spent more than £50 on producing the bleeding thing, rather than blowing all the budget on a lavish video (WHY??? Molly from last year’s entry was literally locked in a room by herself for her video and these two clowns get at least 100 extras??? Including those awful excuses for human beings masquerading as backing singers – WHYYYY!) then it could actually be half-decent. As it is, it’s half baked. Hollywood would say it had a soggy bottom; Mary “Claw” Berry would look at it with disgust in her eyes.

Half Baked

HOWEVER we think that everyone else should stop bitching about the song. It’s something different. It’s obviously meant to be irreverent, charming and “quirky”. The same people bitching about the song are those who propose not to care how we do at Eurovision. if this song doesn’t float Europe’s boat, so what? Has any harm been done? It’s gotta be worth a shot. The song has been in our head for days now. It’s an ear worm and it’s surely pretty likely to stand out from the dross that Eastern Europe normally puts forward. By dross we mean the 150 dreary ballads we are forced to sit through every year. FINAL VERDICT: QUIRKAAAAY.

This song is so QUIRKAAAAAAY



3 thoughts on “You’re Bound to Get Sneezes / Or Nasty Diseases

  1. Pingback: Eurovision 2015: Our Top 7 Songs | popfools

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